New quit date: August 1st

Well, I am gearing up to quit smoking again. I am picking August 1st as my date. That is the same date I quit last year. This time I am going to make it longer than 9 months. Hopefully this will be the last time I quit :)

still smoking it all up in the big pacific northwest

Still smoking. Back to a 1/2 or even a pack a day sometimes. I know I need to quit. I am going to play softball. Although the city of Portland league I played on often didn't care if in-fielders lit up I am SO NOT DOING THAT this time. Although, a part of me knows I can run the damn bases even if I keep smoking. It's like having a little smoking devil on my shoulder whispering "aw, its not that far, besides, sliding is everything and you could do even that with a cigarette in your mouth!!!!!"

we shall see.

keep the dream alive

smokin'

off the wagon

well, i am officially off the wagon. Smoking about a half a pack a day again. Guess its time to start a new quit date. Hmm..... to be continued !

Let the record show I smoked and enjoyed it

but tomorrow is another day

8 months and all i want to do is watch it go up in smoke

my ex partner (that sounds so stupid, like we worked at a law office or something) has smoked 3+

of course that naturally means i should cheat too!

;)

-"smokey" the blackjack playing bear

7+ months

havent had ONE PUFF in over 7 months now, though i have been thinking about it lately. especially when i go to portland where it is still legal to smoke in bars... really difficult there. One day at a time i guess,

!

my six months

was on friday. i was around a bunch of smoke today and wasnt even tempted. i wont smoke again :)

Seriously thought about it again

Well, I seriously thought about smoking again today. This time I actually went so far as to imagine myself buying a pack and having the ole "just one" that has broken every quit I have ever had. Time makes me forget, I guess.

I wondered whether or not I would be able to hide it from Evan. I wondered if I would even care if I could hide it (of course I would care, that was the addict thinking). I thought about it probably for 15 minutes this afternoon on and off. Just about how I could go get a smoke and how it would feel to inhale the smoke, and how it would relieve my stress.

Then my mind wandered to something else, and I forgot about it until now. So, instead of smoking now, I told Evan about it and now I am having a glass of wine.

I have to admit now I am not sure if I will be able to stay quit. I know that I can stay quit, I know I should stay quit. The trouble is, I have to keep wanting to stay quit.

Deep down, I am still addicted to cigarettes, and if I don't constantly remind myself that I no longer smoke, it is very easy when I am stressed to start thinking about smoking as a way to alleviate stress, which in fact it is not, it is just terrible for my health. No alarm bells though. I won't smoke. I just suddenly want to again... and more often.

5 months for me, 5 1/2 for Evan

we rock!

I can't believe how quickly time goes by!

Pretty soon the weather will change and we can start hiking again. Just a few more months of rain now! :)